“Everything else was good, but because of that one thing, I have to fail you, sorry”, she says (in a sorry-not-sorry tone of voice). I apologise, or thank her, as she gets out of my car. At least, I’d like to believe I did, but I’m totally blanking on that detail. What I do clearly remember is, as I gape at her walking away, my brain’s going, “umm, what the eff just happened?”

For five years I’d driven through Bangalore on my own. I could even navigate the by lanes of Shivajinagar like a pro. But my first driving test in the US? I’d flunked! 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’d actually freakin’ flunked.

Want to know why that happened? Listen to my hilarious and embarrassing story on this episode.

Listen on the audio player below 👇🏽 (or on any podcast app that you like). If you prefer reading, then scroll down for the edited transcript. Enjoy! 🙂

If this is your first time here, I invite you to find out more about The Feel Good Factor Podcast. If you think this content can help someone, do share the episode with them. I’d also greatly appreciate a rating/review wherever you listen to podcasts. They help the show get discovered by more people who resonate with this kind of message.

Transcript: What being too afraid of the rules can do to us

(gently edited for a better reading experience)

Flashback to 2004. This official looking lady with an ominous clipboard is talking to me.

“Everything else was good, but because of that one thing, I have to fail you, sorry”, she says (in a sorry-not-sorry tone of voice). I apologise, or thank her as she gets out of my car. At least, I’d like to believe I did, but I’m totally blanking on that detail.

What I do clearly remember is, as I gape at her walking away, my brain’s going, “umm, what the eff just happened?” (Oh, I said the word, I’m just censoring it for your benefit).

For five years I’d driven through Bangalore on my own. I could even navigate the by lanes of Shivajinagar like a pro. But my first driving test in the US? I’d flunked! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’d actually freakin’ flunked. Imagine my embarrassment!!!

If you’re unfamiliar with Shivajinagar, think of it this way… if driving through Bangalore is a Super Mario Bros game, Shivajinagar is the Bowser level.

Narrow, winding streets, swerving buses and autos, and young boys on two wheelers (often three squeezed onto one scooter, without helmets I might add). Their general attitude towards traffic rules is “They’re just a serving suggestion. For everyone.”

Yup, not only do they not bother with the rules, they expect everyone else also will be breaking them by default. If someone’s actually on the correct side of the street, or slowing down to let pedestrians cross, these boys get puzzled expressions on their faces.

You can almost hear their brains going “does. not. compute.”

So I’d always thought that driving through Shivajinagar on a regular basis was the ultimate proof my incredible grip, grit, and presence of mind as a driver…all of which just went poof in the presence of the Bloomington, Illinois driving test lady.

Yup, I failed my driving test in a small town in the midwest where roads are wide, traffic is low, and drivers are actually polite. These people respect stop signs, and know who has the right of way at any junction.

And you know why I failed? It’s because everyone followed the damn rules!

Apparently I was so used to chaos on the roads, that any semblance of order totally messed with my head. So on the day of my driving test, I’m so petrified of breaking a single traffic rule in the US that I become overly careful.

Perfect parallel parking, reversing safely, turning on the indicators at the right points, checking mirrors, maintaining optimum speed… my driving is golden! Right up to the point when…

There’s this red light at a junction where I’m supposed to turn right onto a main road. Right turns are usually free rights in the US (like we have free lefts in India). If there are other vehicles on the perpendicular road, we need to stop at the red light, but if there aren’t any then we can turn even at a red light.

No vehicles around, but I see the red light and come to a complete stop, and I wait, wait, wait…(insert elevator background music here)

After about 30 seconds, the lady gently says, “it’s okay to turn right because there are no other vehicles here. You don’t have to wait at this moment.”

Now my brain is going “does. not. compute”. I’m so stuck on this idea that I have to strictly follow all the rules in the US, that what she’s saying sounds almost like borderline breaking a rule, turning at a red light.

It didn’t flash to my head that, “Sus, no one’s going to fail you for being overly careful”

So after she says it’s okay to turn, I get scared. I’m like, “oh, that means I cannot be too careful. At the next traffic light if I have to take a right turn, I’ll take the free right.”

So I’m driving, driving, driving, and the next junction comes. This is from a small road onto a main road. And there’s a red light. I’m standing on the right side of the road and there’s another car zooming on the main perpendicular road. They have to go straight.

Of course they have the right of way. But I’m like, “oh no, if I stop, my driving instructor will say something.” And then something jams inside my head, and the Shivajinagar Susmitha comes out. I try to squeeze past faster, I try to beat the other vehicle and take that turn. They come really close and brake, and then I brake. It’s a very scary situation.

That poor lady, her heart nearly jumps out of her mouth

See, I’m sure DMV officials are used to bad drivers. They would have failed plenty of them in their lifetime. But I, with my pristine driving right up to that point, have lulled her into a false sense of security. So she does not see that scary moment coming!

Nothing happens. We’re all safe. I make that turn. The other vehicle stops, and I zoom forward.

In my head, I’m first feeling so happy that I managed to make that turn. But that lady’s screaming next to me. And then I’m like, “Oops! That was a big oopsie.”

So finally, after the rest of the drive, which also I did very well, we park in front of the DMV. And the lady goes, “everything else was good, but that mistake was too big to ignore. So I have to fail you. Come back for your test tomorrow.“

Of course I get an appointment for the very next day and go back

By then I’ve calmed down and I’ve got some sense into my head. Not being too afraid. I kind of center-in and tap into my confident self. And I drive really well. I don’t skip any red lights. Nor do I wait too long. I’m the perfect driver.

It’s a different lady. At the end of the drive. She’s like, “oh, you were just fine!” She ticks the box and passes me. And I get my driving licence.

What was the difference between my first driving test and my second one? Why did I mess that first one up so bad?

It was my attachment to rules, it was my fear of rules

Now don’t get me wrong, rules are important, and very necessary. Otherwise we’d have total mayhem.

But sometimes we’re so afraid of breaking them that we make up rules where there aren’t any. Or we pile on layers and layers of importance to tiny consequences, and imagine them to be hulking versions of themselves.

All I had to do on that first driving test was to tune into my inner calm, confident driver and realise that, if I could easily navigate through the chaos of Shivajinagar, the orderly roads of Bloomington should be child’s play if I stay alert and aware.

Instead, I kept watching myself through the DMV lady’s eyes. “What’s she gonna think, what’s she gonna say, how’s she judging me?” And I turned into a pile of nerves!

Now let’s dwell on this for a bit.

Ask yourself what rules are real, and what rules are plain made up inside your head

And how are they screwing with your life, stopping you from exploring or being your true authentic self?

Often in our lives, our business, our creativity, whatever, you look at all the different aspects of our lives, this fear of rules…

• how we should be
• how things should be
• other people’s expectations
• being afraid of what others think of us
• being so scared to mess up in such a small way that we feel like it’s going to lead to very big consequences

All of this stops us. Stops us from moving forward, stops us from shining and being brave, and really exploring things.

Spend a few minutes making a list of rules and consider if they really are rules at all to begin with

Or if they’re even important. If they’re worthy of being followed to the point of them taking away your true nature, your authenticity, your joy, your confidence.

And always remember: respect rules, yes, know the rules, yes. But don’t imagine them into being when they don’t exist. And definitely don’t be so scared of the consequences that your brain gets jammed, you just stop, and make a fool of yourself. Like I did in front of the DMV lady.

If you enjoyed this episode of The Feel Good Factor, you’re totally going to enjoy my newsletter, The Feel Good Tribe

It’s a free newsletter that I send out once or twice a month, and it’s filled with:

• stories from my life
• hacks for veganism
• how to be more joyful in your business
• some spiritual tips
• and a lot more

Go to my website and sign up for The Feel Good Tribe. Once you sign up, you’ll get a confirmation email. In case it’s not in your inbox, check the spam folder or the promotions folder and click on “Confirm”.

Once you confirm, you’re going to get a welcome email. Read that email and hit reply. I have some questions for you, and I’d love to get to know you. Looking forward to seeing you inside The Feel Good tribe.

All right. Talk to you again next week. Take care.

I use Otter for all my transcriptions, and it’s awesome! Try it out.